July 8th- I participate in the First Annual Ignominious Film Gala, and am a smashing success. I declare that I have bought two tickets to the movie Predators (which is true), and will only need one of them (also true. for I am only one person) and asked who wanted the other one. The movie was to come to theaters the next day on July 9th, which I saw with the very, very lucky Ms. Charley Hart.
Flash forward to October 20th. I have been preoccupied with school, and wonder when Predators will ever come to DVD. I find out that Predators had been released THE PRIOR DAY (I want to emphasize “day” more, but I also want to emphasize “prior”) October 19th. Of course, I see this as the Universe trying to tell me something. Namely that the Universe wants me to own and re-watch Predators.
The next day: School has prevented me from buying and watching this movie for one day, and enough is enough. October 21st is the day I buy Predators, and re-watch it to see what I missed. I’ll tell you what I missed. I missed Predator.
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. Fun movies are easy to make. This one didn’t make me hate the fact that Topher Grace was in this movie as much as I thought I would hate the fact that Topher Grace is in this movie. (Aside: Spiderman 3 was terrible, an undefendable type of terrible)
Also, I have a theory that Predators (the “third” Predator movie) is a link to Aliens (the “second” Alien movie). These movies came from very different backgrounds, but had to come together in an AVP type environment for some reason. I don’t get it either.
Every paragraph from here on out will begin thusly: Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. Just so you know.
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. I am very glad it exists, I was afraid it would be nothing but AVP movies all the way down.
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. I think the original Predator was also a fun movie, but meant so much more than Predators. For one, Predator was a metaphor for Vietnam. Fighting in the jungle against an unseen foe, Predator meant something. Wait, you say, in Predators they also fought against an unseen foe? Yeah, they did that already. In Predator. So what does Predators mean? …….
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. Predator, while being a metaphor for the Vietnam war, was also steeped in many Central American related folk-tales. Predators was steeped in many Predator related folk-tales.
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. In a fight between a Predator and a man, a Predator would win. That’s the end of that sentence. There are a few scenes in Predators where the Predators lose. Again, THE PREDATORS LOSE! To give humanity a fighting chance, the movies are all about the Predators being honorable and giving up their various advanced weaponry so that their prey (us lousy humans) have a fighting chance. Why they did this, I don’t know, Honor?
Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. But in Predator, the Predator was facing basically the best of the best as far as humanity goes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mr. Olympia. Yeah, Arnie won. That was an underdog story. But this guy here, this, I forget, Brody guy, he isn’t just an underdog. He is a dogfish. An underdogfish.
I don’t know what I can say. Oh, wait. Don’t get me wrong, Predators is a fun movie. I don’t know what I can say. I love Predator. Come on, it came out when I was 5. 5! They can’t make a Predator vs. Humans movie ever again. Now, my Predator 3 script is Predators vs. Dinosaurs, and I think it has potential.
RATING: 8 WEBS